Raya was over. i had a good one week trip in malaysia. Most importantly i could spent a quality time with my adorable princess Ameerah Tasneem. Indeed she's everything to me now. as usual don't expect i could write well as i always don't know exactly what to share tonight. what made me writing this, I just felt a bit warm after accidentally listening to the "sorry seems to be the hardest word". easy and nice song to hear at this hour when you alone. the perfect word we could say i'm in jiwang mode now. Yeah... it's better than surfing porn isn't it?
i ate a lot during raya and i just realized i've been gaining weight. I've to stop it. surely i dont want to be as big as my two eldest brothers. Ha Ha. let them be, they no longer can be saved kah kah kah. anyway they pretty happy with their life. i was 56kg before marriage and after 9 years i'm at 66-68kg now. the best I could drop was 63 and i started to enjoy the food again. Now i've been trying again to lose 5kg in in 5 weeks. I've been doing good exercise for the past 2 weeks; i've been running and walking at least 5km a day and stop taking rice. i take oat in the morning followed by an apple in the afternoon and a 1/2 plate of spaghethi for dinner. grapes and oranges always in the fridge now. i'm pretty good in discipline myself. of course i'm concern about all the jeans and shirts that i have haha. BUT.. Sha was depressed in the office and asked me out for dinner tonight where i was about to have 1/2 plate of my spagheti. She picked me up and we headed to Chime. we ordered sontam, a bowl of crab fried rice and a plate of char keow teow. It's very big portion! Seriously i was so full and bloated with the food, and started to lend my ear to her. Office politic is normal and everywhere. I believe it's part of the ongoing phase that we have to endure while working with people. She believe in that too. It just that sharing and throwing out what u kept for the whole day was good to release your stress. She's doing great in her career and my eyes wide open when she told me that she just bought a cartier watch for her father and was the price of Mi-V. WALAWOW!! I did buy watches for Ayah and Umi and it cost less than 2k for both of them :-) The expensive watch that I bought so far is the one that I'm wearing now which cost around 3k only after 8 years of working. I repeat after 8 years. It's not that expensive compared to most malaysian lifestyle that love the gadgets. Just tell me how many phones, lappy, ipad, BB etc have you changed? it cost more that my watch. How many phone that I bought so far since I landed myself in this corporate world. Only 3. Siemens, Nokia 8210 and Bold 1 Blackberry. I have extra now but it's a company phone. My Sony Ericsson was a birthday gift from my pretty Mel. I don't fancy gadgets. Thanks, so i dont spend much on this. I'm a bit lost in my story now hehe. What i wanted to share tonight; i felt guilty to myself after bloating myself with food with Cik Sha today. I was about to jog or take a brisk walk for 10km just now. Then suddenly aftter reaching home i was on BBM with Mel and stuck in front of the computer too checking the FB. Browsing all the pictures of my friends. I'm happy to see how we change and transform ourselves. simply say no calories burnt at all. the only thing i want to do and sleep a bit late to ensure the food would be processes and digested in a good way. I dont care much about tomorrow training; just make myself available before 10 am should be fine. Customer projects? so-so it goes pretty well and i've to put more trust on my team as i can't afford to follow up every details. Shouting? I don't bother much. I just let them bombarding me and I'll reply with my smiling face. I've to keep on putting all positive elements into me to face; I dont want to die stress HaHa. Yes we are in telco-IT industry but as a vendor we are part of service industry and I'm answerable to them, although I've no answer and look stupid when I'm lost. Yes they have the right to shout and now I don't care much because my philosophy become simpler. We are all humans and everybody will die someday. Let's enjoy life and live well
Well done; i managed to deliver my first point; I felt guilty after heavy meal :-)
Let's talk about life. If you want to do anything do it at young age before you have any commitment. That is the best. Just try out what you love to do especially when you are in early 20s. Let them explore the world and encourage them what they love. This is something that we've to instill in our next generation. Don't limit them to be a doctor, lawyer? unless they really love it. Most people including me I had no clear direction what I wanted to do. I was so afraid doing the thing that I wanted to do and ended up I just follwed and took the opportunity what came to me. i would say I'm lucky because besides my So So or not So-good college degree I had a good job. Then came the opprotunity to come to the middle east which i took the chance and planning to be here for 5 years at least. for the record by end of this year it would be 5 years inchaAllah. The reality i never liked what i was doing. i just worked for the sake of money and to support my families. That's reality. I managed to grow myself in the industry and i'm in the phase sometimes LIKE and DONT LIKE what I'm doing. I've to be realistic to myself too; I dont dare to jump myself into business and by taking myself out of Malaysia i can earn more. Still... I'm working on salary and being abroad you always dream to be back home for good someday. Now I have Ameerah and inchaAllah next month new kid on the on the block would be arriving into this world. I've more responsibility. Surely I love this responsibility because they mean a lot to me. They keep my momentum going. I'm happy with what I am and i can't deny the fact of having strong support from my beloved wife. She's stronger than me. She made a brave decision when she quit from oil and gas company and landed herself in unit trust industry. She did pretty well but she didn't have a good support probably - from me :-) anyway that was history; she tried and i believe she could could succeed more if she wanted to but that industry not her business. it didnt suit her personality. she's the eldest in the family and meeting me is a perfect match lah. Ha Ha. "Behind every successful man is a woman" is true atau still a man behind it if he's having gay partner keh keh keh.
when u were young u were very calculative during raya day.. but now abi tak kesah as long by the time i'm in kampung i can see my parents and all my siblings. that matter me most. Let's pray Mel is going to do well in 2nd baby delivery. Aminn.
Ameerah came to us on Feb 3, 2009 after our marriage on 31st Oct 2002. Can you imagine how long we'd been waiting for that. Those people never experienced it let me tell you one thing. DON'T PRETEND that YOU UNDERSTAND. you wouldn't and NEVER. The only person that I respect most is my Ayah only. Not even a word he asked me about it. I know that he's been praying for me. (berair sikit air mata gua cerita pasal ayah kat sini). As a normal human being I can forgive but I coudn't forget. It hurts indeed. This is normal questions.
These what was shooted to me directly: It still crystal clear on my ear.
1. Hangpa ni tamau anak ka?
2. Depa dua dua ni mandul
3. Itu la orang suruh ada anak
4. Ambil anak aku ni; ko memang takkan dapat anak punya. (Yes this one I was stumbled and i was crying like a small kid while Mel watching me)
From third party: (I shouldn't count on this. Come on i'm normal human being. and i feel to share at this hour now)
1. depa tu ada duit tapi kesian tadak anak.
Now what's the latest came to my ear recently:
1. anak perempuan kena usaha lagi, tadak waris...
Did i do anything wrong to you? Stop meddling in my personal life. To friends and families please do understand, all rational pepole who were married want kids. But that gift is from Allah. Remember that.
I don't believe in Bomoh and i never visited any bomoh. I have my faith in Allah and I'm Ok with the doctors. we visited Ampang Puteri and ended up Mel banned the doctor. we visitied the HUKM, Prof Zainol back in 2006 still no luck.
I decided to perform Umrah and pray in front of Kaabah during Ramadan in 2007. Alhamdulillah Mel was pregnant in June 2008 and Ameerah was born in Feb 3, 2009. InchaAllah.. if we still don't get what can we do. there's a very good reason why Allah doesn't grant it.
we decided to keep the same doctor until now and that's the reason we visit the HUKM back.
if we have other family members or friends that facing this situation we shall support them. please think before you say.
Let's go to the fun story now; Money can change people life somehow. As long as you remember roots and never forget your mak bapak inchaAllah selamat. I still remember the day that Mel made a statement that "yang takkan beli lah beg ribu2 mcm tu. baik yang buat benda lain". The reality is when she got her first LV, she started adding Gucci, Prada and Burbery into her collection. She's so kind :p and start letting out her Guess and ninewest to sisters. I guess is normal when you love your wife and you can afford at that particular time you don't mind of buying her such gifts. The 5 years plan is going to be over and she always have a good reason to do that because she has a very good projection because she wont get it once we back for good. Since we moved to Dubai a year ago mel didn't add new collection. Bag jer byk dalam ada 5 hengget! :p What;s the reality here? That's the reality of Doha expat's wife. you must have a Gucci at least :p we're in Dubai now and start counting down to be back for good.....when exactly? only God knows
I'm running of idea now and my heavy dinner had been digested well. Off to bed now.
2.19 am Dubai